I love black thongs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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