Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
