I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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