I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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