can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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