I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
