Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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