A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
