After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
