Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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