So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize