before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
