Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
