I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She bit a glass in half.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
