i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
