im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
