My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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