Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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