I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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