my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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