White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
