Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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