her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize