Can i not drive my cunt home
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
