We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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