mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
