I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
