READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize