***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
3pm strippers are depressing
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
