so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
