they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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