If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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