I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
