everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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