You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
