she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
