I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
