I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
