cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
