Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
