You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
