It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
