who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
