did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
