Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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