i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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