It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
