Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
