I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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