All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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