Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
