i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
