This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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