drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
