I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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