I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
