I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
