her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
