Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
