How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My first STD was from a foam party
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
