It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
