Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
