I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
