Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
