Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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