I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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