I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
