Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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