we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
