You made me cry and you don't even care
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
