Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
