Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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