Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
