just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
