I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
