$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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