so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
