Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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