The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
