I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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