i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
