Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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