please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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